Keep updated about EVENTS to come here in Cairo, Portugal, United States, Italy and Spain through my email: dancemagica@gmail.com and my Facebook (add yourself to Joana Saahirah)!

Shows, workshops, new book arriving...ahhhhh...

Life is full of great surprises.

"Don t fight it. Let it flow..."

(simple, beautiful and wise phrase from the movie "Panda Kungfu II")

As I write and choreograph at the most challenging time of my life (closing old doors and opening new ones is never easy and takes courage and a great dose of madness...you never know what s coming when you throw yourself into the unknown) I take a good loving look at myself and feel proud, more than ever.

The path of an artist is made of so many things. The talent we borrow from God, the hard, persistent work, the sacrifices we make for our art, the stamina to face many obstacles, the real life that inspires us to create and fills our ART with meaning and fire...so many little things that build up an artist!

From all the losses along the way, I don t regret any. I only lost what I needed to loose or what was not mine to begin with. I never lost my own peace of mind, dignity or pride in myself and that s what matters in the end of the day.

Along this way, I don t regret anything, absolutely anything simply because all I did came from my heart with the only purpose to enjoy life and my work and never step on another people in order to do so.

Despite que rocks in the road, it has been a GREAT JOURNEY and I can only be thankful and say "Let the next adventures come to me...I am ready!"

My first professional photo shoot at the age of 15 years old!

I was thrilled once I found these images in my archives and felt I haven t changed much.

What surprised me was how grown up I looked and how hard it is to believe, even for me, that I was only 15 years old when I got photographed by a famous professional in the area whom, true to tradition, kissed me like I was a grown up woman and proposed me to make with him.

Yeah, by looking back I can clearly see that the sexual harassement thing started early on.

I do remember how shocked I was when that famous photographer approached me that way and how confused the whole episode left me. I wondered "how can I protect myself from "this"?"

Should I stop being myself? Should I turn myself into something so ugly that no man will want to bother me with his sexual approaches? Should I turn myself into a man and then be in peace between them?

Curiously enough, Oriental Dance and all its associated sensuality chose me for life, and I am - no doubt! - associated with this kind of image who portrays women as sexual predators or victims. It is the old sexual object talk and how much it is connected with my profession, even if I don t see myself that way.

The nice thing is that, since forever, I see myself and my own sensuality as something absolutely natural and wild. No induced shame, harassment or aggression can ever change that. This is a blessing!

These images remind me that this is a natural, ever present, battle I have to deal with.

I used to fight it. Now I am flowing with it because this is not a battle worth fighting for.

Living and learning.

Joana Saahirah of Cairo dancing Om Kolthoum

Moving on...
Choreographing Om Kolthoum to teach in Portugal, United States and Italy...
Writing - or going crazy over it, better said... - my own treasured book.
Doing my daily yoga and retreating to the beach with friends...away from Cairo and its lost humanity.
Surviving, healing, growing, trying to keep me between the state of CREATION and MADNESS.
Searching for all the answers inside me. Somehow, I KNOW that s the only place where I can find them.

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Om Kolthoum delirium part III.

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Om Kolhtoum delirium part II.

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Om Kolthoum delirium...

Romeo y Julieta - Allessandra Ferri y Julio Bocca

Again and again, my inspirations go further and wider between real life events of my own and other artist s who dance, paint, sculpt, write and sing in a way that touches my soul and, by doing it, OPEN new doors that I use to amplify my own ART.

I have posted this piece of ART many times and it is still one of my all time favourites, starting from the music. Prokofiev has just created the perfect musical translation of Shakespeare master piece "Romeu and Juliet" with all its nuances and psychological moods. Just can t imagine a better soundtrack for this eternal story.
The rendition these two DANCERS give to it is just heart breaking, real, unforgettable and thrilling...

This is how life and dance should feel. Between madness and DIVINE light.

"If, one day, you will have to choose between the world and love...

Remember...if you choose the world, you will stay without love but, if you choose LOVE... with it you will conquer the world."

Albert Einstein
(and there s a reason why he will always be considered one of the biggest geniuses ever existed in the world!)

Revista Àrabe "FARAH" Ediciòn 14 Joana Saahirah

Gifts from dancers...this one from Argentina!
"Gracias, Norah. Te quiero, nenita.:)"

Nureyev & Fonteyn Romeo&Juliet

A warm cappuccino and Genius Duo to go...
Then I put on my wings and fly away, daring into unknown skies.
Yes, that s the only agenda for NOW.

Strangely...and as often as the sun shines, true LIFE and understanding appear when words disappear...

Joana Saahirah of Cairo dancing Om Kolthoum

Between the huge jump in the dark that means writing my own book - made of so much LIFE, sweat, tears and incredible joys - preparing new work in Cairo (being my own BOSS without dealing with the dirty power/sex games of men is my main dream right now!) and choreographing for workshops in the world there is nothing more I can say rather than a regular and smiley "I am doing great, despite all the bumps in the road!"

Putting myself, my strenght and limits to the test is what I do on a daily basis. Taking risks, going where no one else goes, doing things "my way" and not following any rules but the ones I create for myself as I travel along is my routinary way of breathing.

I often think life would be much easier if I just surrendered to the system and became one more sheep in the massive group of coward sheeps I see around me. How easy it would be to abide by the rules others make for me, even if that means being unhappy, and not taking responsability for my own life, not taking any risk, not hurting my feet in such a deep way every time I move forward into unknown roads.

Yes, it would be so much easier but it wouldn t be me and the only thing I truly own is MYSELF and the only thing I TRULY owe to myself is to BE myself without surrendering to the crowds without soul s way.

In this video, as in many others you can see, I dance for/to my man. This is life, after all. I ve said it time and time again and I will never get tired of doing so...DANCERS need true happiness in order to DANCE true happiness on stage.
What you see is what it IS.

Here I am, using Om Kolthoum s music, and seeming to dance but what I am really doing is LOVING my man through every movement, every breath, look and pause.

Writing, performing, teaching and choreographing are so much one and the same thing for me. All of them ways of expressing my view of DANCE, ART, myself and the world. All of them a veiled way to be HEARD.
And, rest assured, to love my man in every possible way that I can. Even on stage where they say life doesn t happen.
Can I be allowed to disagree?!

Joana Saahirah of Cairo dancing Om Kolthoum

Dancing my life, as usual.
Dancers do nothing BUT dancing their own lives on stage...I try to make it as much as possible about LOVE, JOY and PASSION as possible.
So thankful to be deeply loved and cherished by the ones who are important to me.

"Enta el Hob" *"You are the love", by my very own personal Diva Om Kolthoum.
One more for the road!

Retreating...

If coincidentes existed, then this would be a strange and wonderful coincidence.

My last post was about a note written on the Facebook about Egyptian Dance and the ways dancers are still treated in this country and it is curious that I am in the middle of a retreat to write my own book about my whole experience since I left my country and launched myself into the biggest adventure of my life, so far...

So all the notes, reactions, truths lived on the first person and so much more incredible events are being registered from my guts RIGHT NOW. Developments will come.

Asking all gods and muses for inspiration, honesty and courage.

The rest lays on my own hands.

My very own LOVE declaration for Egypt.

My dear friend and fellow dancer/artist Mohamed Shahin posted the most interesting note on the Facebook. Like it usually happens with most polemic "goodies", this note caused such a stir and reawakened a fire that was never extinguished in my heart.

For writing this note and even defending me from some mediocre dancers comments on my person, I thank him and my warmest thoughts go to him.

The main theme of the note was the way Oriental Dancers live and are treated in Egypt and how dirty is the whole business around here.

There was a lot of mixing between the love for Egypt - the title of the note was "Egypt-love it or leave it" - and the criticism over the prostitution and general corruption associated with Oriental Dancing in Egypt.

As the wonderful egyptian writer Allah al Aswany would rightfully tell you, there is no such thing as "love it or leave it". You can love a country and still see its faults and the rotten things that MUST change in order for that country to flourish in every possible way.

After performing, non stop, in Cairo for the past 5 years and facing the music all by myself (no manager, no empresario, no helping hand, no "connections" of any sort, no rich man on my back, no express egyptian husband who brings me egyptian nationality and help in my career, no damned thing!) I am in total right of speaking up by personal/professional experience and say it out loud:

ORIENTAL DANCE IS STILL ASSOCIATED WITH PROSTITUTION AND LOOSE MORALS IN EGYPT (AND ALL THE MIDDLE EAST) AND MOST 5 STAR JOBS ARE OBTAINED THROUGH THE BED OF SOME MANAGER.

IF SOME DANCERS, LIKE ME, CAN GET A MIRACOULOUS CLEAN CHANCE TO HAVE A LEGAL CONTRACT TO DANCE HERE IN CAIRO THEY WILL NOT GROW IN THEIR CAREERS FROM THAT POINT ON, UNLESS THEY SURRENDER TO THE PROSTITUTED/CORRUPTED BUSINESS.

Now...the ironic thing is that I ve been acused by people who don t even know me of passing through the bed of some of these high powered men and the truth is that I never did it and got punished, until today, for refusing to do it.

My arrogance is the worst kind of arrogance. I CHOOSE the men I sleep with and I don t allow any "pasha" to haunt me down, after having in his agenda the amazing goal of taking me to bed.

Besides that, there s nothing I need to say in my defense because TRUTH speaks for itself BUT I don want to stress this point:

I love Egypt, its music and dance.Due to that LOVE, I chose to come here and make a dignified career built exclusively on my talent and against all odds.

The fact that I arrived here with no connections, guidance or help of any kind and learnt the trade by myself, climbed the stairs with my own legs, learnt the language, the culture and the ART of egyptians by myself is nothing short of miraculous. I have no one but GOD to thank for all this.

Loving a country doesn t mean denying what s wrong with it. Quite que opposite.

I owe my Art to Egypt in every possible way. I ve had the greatest time of my life with egyptian musicians, audiences and "regular" people who, in some way or another, taught me the MEANING of egyptian music and dance. For them all my gratitude and love go...

Egypt is my past, my present, my home, my GREAT school on so many levels and the country where I developed myself as an artist and a woman. So much do I owe to it and yet I am not blind and wish to see REAL CHANGES in this marvellous country.

Dancers should start respecting themselves and not letting ambition and desperation take their dignity away.

I wish ORIENTAL DANCING is in its rightful place and not in one of the roads to easy money and prostitution.

I wish more and more dancers REFUSE to sell their bodies and souls to the devil in exchange for the realization of their dream. If you know you reached any glory by selling yourself, then you re not honouring yourself as a woman or an artist. You are perpetuating an old mentality disgusting idea that STILL says: "Rakkasah sharmouta." (meaning "a dancer is a prostitute").

Here s the reality and what dancers have to face in Cairo:

The great majority of egyptian men will not marry a dancer or present her to her family.

The top gigs on dancing flow through someone s bed with extremely RARE exceptions.

To be a dancer in Cairo, you need to be a hard, cold, thick skinned business woman much more than an ARTIST itself.

Men expect any dancer to accept monetary/career compensations in exchange for sexual favours and very few places do not do it.

When having a regular conversation with any also regular egyptian, expect to have a dirty look at you if you mention you are an Oriental Dancer.

Being a smart ass, passing over another collegues and harming them in any possible low way is on the order of the day (I ve had my share of VERY famous dancers SCREWING me on my back and coming to see my show, ridiculously under cover, to see what the hell am I doing and to copy it).

Flirting with men and accepting their domination is STILL the way to get around as a dancer in Cairo.

The thing is, after so much HARD stuff I had to face on my own over here and after seeing how dance is seen as garbage, I believe more and MORE that ORIENTAL DANCE and REAL DANCERS are sacred and must be treated with respect and reverence.

For this belief I REJECT any humiliating attempt for any man to buy me and I KEEP DOING what I always did - my BEST! - in order to help, somehow on my own limited way, CHANGE the ORIENTAL DANCE situation in Egypt.

Not because I don t love Egypt. If I didn t love it, I would simply leave this country as many egyptian dancers did and want to do.

I keep on the struggle here because I believe in Egypt and in the possibility of, very soon, seeing its music/dance/musicians/dancers being VALUED, CHERISHED and RESPECTED as noble carriers of this amazing country s culture.

This was the dream that brought me here and it s still the same dream that keeps me going and this dream doesn t mean anything else to me except: LOVE.

Joana Saahirah performing the "Shisha Dance" in full blast Baladi

Be happy and SMILE!

Joana Saahirah of Cairo

One more "baladi" of mine for the road...
See you all soon!
Till there, DANCE, LOVE and BE HAPPY in the moment, every moment.

Joana Saahirah of Cairo dancing Om Kolthoum

Joana Saahirah of Cairo dancing Om Kolthoum

Just a raw scratch of a Dance...Om Kolthoum and me, trying to find each other through music and movement.
Loving every moment of it.

Joana Saahirah of Cairo dancing baladi improvization

One of my improvized, heartfelt baladis inspired by all the pleasure and happiness this LIFE has ever offered me (and it has offered me so much, but SO MUCH of it!)...
Grateful and creating from the inside out.

Joana Saahirah of Cairo

Doing what I love most...

Events to follow while I am not around the corner!

Here is the information for all the dancers who will come to Cairo this month and the following.

I am currently in between contracts in Cairo (still running away from the classical "pashas" trying to get me into bed with them...sorry I STILL choose the man I sleep with and it seems that is STILL an offense to these men who think any dancer should be their sexual toy!) so you can have a chance to see me perform live after Ramadan or in any of the upcoming events around the world.

Here are the NEWS I can tell about right now (some others are still in the box of the Gods and the Secrets):

1. If you happen to be in Cairo and wish to have private lessons with me (one student and groups as well), you may contact me through my email: dancemagica@gmail.com

2. I will teach and perform in different events to come and here are some of them:

-27th August - Om Kolthoum Workshop in PORTUGAL!

-September - Miami Belly Dance Convention (check full infos at the Facebook) and other venues still to announce in the United States of America!

-October - Merano, Italy!

-November- Barcelona, Spain!

Ask for further details through my email: dancemagica@gmail.com

And much more yet to come.

Meanwhile, I will be choreographing new pieces to teach, preparing my new show for Cairo and writing the book that brought me to Egypt in the first place.

Joyful and grateful for everything.................

Of food and other substances...

What feeds a dancer and inspires him/her?

What fills the movements in such a way that dance becomes ALIVE, thrilling, moving, surprising and art is born from skin, blood and soul?

For me, it has always been LOVE, PASSION, the MEN of my life for whom I have the deepest appreciation and adoration as they are the FOOD that keeps me going, the fuel that allows me to create.

The hands I love around my waist are enough to start off a new choreography.

The memory of his eyes on my eyes is more than enough to justify an whole show full of REAL stuff.

The blessing of loving and being loved is what keeps me going, what pushes me to dance and explode of emotion on each performance.

The food of my dance is LIFE, after all. Through the arms of my man...

Billie Holiday - Crazy He Calls Me

Amazing Billie Holiday providing the soundtrack of my most intimate LIFE!

Of critics and admirers...

A fellow dancer friend of mine sent me this link:

http://www.bhuz.com/belly-dance-fan-forum/54656-joana-dancer-cairo-2.html

Despite some less than elegant comments on my person, I was extremely happy to check this one out as I do believe that no one tries to destroy what is insignificant.

My dear Mahmoud Reda, also referred to at this blog, often tells me:

The ones who can DO, just DO it.

The ones who know how to do it but cannot do it, TEACH it.

And the ones who cannot do it or even know how to do it, become CRITICS.

He also tells me, besides many other useful wise things, that destructive critics are fans in disguise that, due to their envy and shortcomings, cannot do anything but try to destroy (if only through words) another s people s achievements and talents.

Here it goes my appreciation and love for all the nice and mean comments about me and my work on this website!

They mean much more to me than the apparent, small minded evilness so typical of people "who cannot do it and don t know how to do it".

I spend ZERO time bad mouthing other dancers. I find it ugly, time wasting and sad.

It is just not my "cup of tea". I often comment on the artists I DO appreciate but I don t have the time or the inclination to discuss matters which I think are not that interesting.

For speaking about me, for showing me how much I am appreciated in so many colourful ways, my heartfelt THANK YOU goes to all the intervenients in this blog and I can only hope to give away more and more material to feed your minds, hearts, mouths and souls!

It is my pleasure to count on so many stimulating supporters disguised as detractors.

My LOVE goes to you all.

Joana Saahirah of Cairo dancing Saiidi original theme

An original theme of "Saiidi" composed for me by one of Cairo s most famous musicians still active on the trade. Very far away from the great songs that previous generations have composed but still my own Saiidi theme and how much fun did I have with it!
Enjoy...

Do I move you?

This is the only question a DANCER must make to her audience.
Do I move you?

Joana Saahirah of Cairo dancing Om Kolthoum

The LOVE of my life: Om Kolthoum.
And me, following it as I go along...just following...going with the flow of the most amazing music there is for Oriental Dance...
Flying too!

Comprovising with her accordeonist

A dancer should leave the audience with that sweet and sour taste of a love affair we cannot forget...the love of your life that, no matter what, you just CANNOT forget.
There you go...homework for all of us dancers!

Ballet "Romeo & Juliet" Alessandra Ferri & Wayne Eagling

Divine music. Divine Dance.Divine Alessandra Ferri.
Shakespeare s words com to life, ever so rarely, in a piece of moving Art like this one.

Alessandra Ferri, Giselle Mad Scene Teatro alla Scala

Superb DANCING with a real capital "D".
Alessandra Ferri defines what Dance should always be. Terrific deliverance of ART in such a hard, often mechanical style of dance such as Classical Ballet.
The thing is, when a real ARTIST like this one moves, all the terms that try to define what they do simply disappear.
This is not Classical Ballet anymore, once it reached this stage of ARTISTIC value. It has reached that spot where no definitions or prejudices can be applied.

No words to describe this one!

Joana Saahirah of Cairo classical entrance

Loving what I do with so much passion and total delivery of who I am.
Just can t understand DANCE in any other way...my sweat, life and full PRESENCE on the stage.
And, for moments, Art becomes Life and life is nothing but those miraculous instants of CREATION.

Happy Birthday to me with the great wish of always remaining HUMAN, despite of all the lack of Humanity I see around me.
Cause being Human hurts sometimes, it kills very often. It is tremendously dangerous to be HUMAN in a world where Humanity is seen as a weakness.
Feeling too much, dreaming too much, needing too much, demanding way too much, giving yourself totally to what you do, to the ones you love, to the passion of being alive.

Being human requires passion and lots of tears. It requires the courage to be OPEN and give your chest to yet another dagger attack. It means suffocating sometimes and falling deeply in love, falling simply. And how scary that is, indeed.

In this birthday celebration and despite all the tiresome that comes with it, I wish to LOVE even more than before. Raw. Real. Totally.

And, no matter how hard things get or how much if can hurt,

NEVER but NEVER stop being HUMAN.

Joana Saahirah of Cairo

Celebrating my birthday with the wish to never loose my HUMANITY and my feet on the ground.
May all the evilness and small devils of this world never erase what s grand and pure inside of me.
Happy Birthday to ME!

اغنية بحلم بلقاك للفنانة الراحلة***ذكرى***

My all time favourite song from the best egyptian singer of the last decades (may God rest her soul): Zikra.
No words needed to comment on this one!

george wassouf - kalam el nas جورج وسوف كلام الناس

"Kallam elnass" from superb George Wassouf.

One of the golden arabic pop goldies which I danced to 10000 times, over and over again...the amazing thing about songs like this one is that, no matter how many times I hear it, I still feel like I want to get up and dance every time I listen to the first tunes of the song.
Music, lyrics, voice, talent, feeling, that secret quality that makes you feel shills down your spine, all that inside of a song.
I will keep dancing to the sound of this old song forever...

Samira Said-Awam Keda with english subtitles

To dance and love along...just ADORE this Samira Said song...and the child dancer in me wraps a scarf around her hips and DANCES, DANCES, DANCES with that mischief and sensuality that egyptians carry so well!

Joana Saahirah of Cairo dancing baladi in Egypt

Joana Saahirah of Cairo

Searching number...

There are those who are full of convictions "knows for sure" and those, like me, who cannot keep themselves from searching and asking. No certainty on the horizon, no comfortable "know for sure" to appease my turbulent mind, no remedy for the soul which is never satisfied with easy answers.

Oriental Dance - and the pathways it lead me into - has been my biggest master. All the individuals I ve met along the way - specially the ones who hurt me deeply - have been my gurus and nothing remains, just a clear idea that everything and everyone MOVES and changes all the time making it impossible to DEFINE anything in this Universe.

From my DANCE work - as a performer, choreographer and teacher - to all the things I currently study with all my heart (yoga, piano, tango are in the order of the day...) I take pieces of LIGHT that, put together, get me much more than "for sures".

Putting the pieces of the endless puzzle together, I get peace of mind. No treasure can be higher than this. Knowing that everything passes, changes and dies to give place to something new is the safe boat that keeps me floating in the middle of sunny days and storms.

Searching...and that s LIFE.

United Nations Development Programme.

The initial idea was to simply see a flat to rent. Yes, that was the initial idea but Cairo will always be Cairo and that means SURPRISE, SURPRISE! Every moment is a mystery, an umpredictable reality that will visit you when you least expect it.

Cutting the story short, I ended up at the Marriott Hotel at an United Nations Conference about "Pathways of Democratic Transitions" held by some of the most respected politians, journalist and analysts of Egypt, Middle East and Europe.

Oh, well...there I was with my friend/potential landlord holding our respectable dossiers for the evening, listening about the political future possibilities of Egypt and how we must learn from other countries which led similar Revolutions and made a successful transition from a dictatorial regime to a FREE, DEMOCRATIC one.

All I wanted was to see a flat to rent. That was ALL. Was it?!
*Remember you re in Cairo and repeat it to yourself a thousand time and then you may understand why there is nothing for CERTAIN in this city.

Did I enjoy it? Of course I did. I never say no to a challenge, specially if unexpected.

Loved to listen to the politians speaking in different languages, loved to know more about the subject and to see - with a mix of cynical disbelief and hope - how human beings still believe that CHANGE can happen and that the GOOD intentions of some honest indiviuals can overcome to astounding blind ambition and corruption that it s usually found in POWER positions.

Keeping my fingers crossed...just in case. Life is not like a children s book. Evil is not always crashed by the good fairies and the Princess does not always ends up happily ever after with her loved prince. Life is much more complicated and coloured than that.

From the deepest place of my soul, I wish the BEST for the country which I also call mine. Even with all its faults (faults of the PEOPLE who make the country, not the country itself), Egypt is my home, an old one for that matter. And you always return home, you fight for it, you defend it and you work your best to make it as you wish it will be.

The best for my home means the best for Egypt. Still believing in fairies and prince charming...

"Egyptian halawa... it is ALL in the honey!"

My mum always told me she would teach me how to fish, instead of giving me the fish ready to eat. Japanese wise men also agree as so do I.

I am a do it all kind of "gal". I love to learn new things and I m what many may call a frighteningly independent warrior woman. The simple idea of depending on other people makes me tremble so I learn, learn, learn in order to be able to fish, haunt and do whatever it takes to keep me going depending on my own skills.

That s how I started learning how to play the piano - just a week ago - or how I learnt how to cook, clean, DANCE, write, speak different languages, etc, etc... there is always space for one more subject, one more skill...

That s how I became a "halawa" expert. Halawa is the ancient egyptian method of waxing used by women all over Egypt and the Middle East. I ve had my own "halawa" ladies, always a little but shy of their own trade. Never quite understood why, though...these women go to other women s houses and apply them the "halawa", waxing all their bodies. It s a WOMEN s thing and I can t understand why they would consider it "haram" but they do!

Besides being a natural way of depilation, it is also a massage/purifying kind of ritual who brings two women closer to each other due to a kind of intimacy only arabic women can understand so well. It is like a world apart of the "world" and, while one woman applies the "halawa" to the other woman s skin, a link of sisterhood is born and personal stories are exchanged.

Being an alien and true to my own tradition, I usually fell asleep during these "halawa" sessions until I decided I would learn how to prepare the whole thing and how to apply it to myself.

And I so I did. All I had to do was ask an egyptian friend to teach me and it doesn t take a genius to get the concept. Quite simple, it seemed.

As I learnt the deed and did my first attempt of waxing myself without egyptian assistance, I realized how much this ritual reflects the character and way of loving of egyptian women.

The "halawa" has to be warmed up in order to work but not too much, otherwise it will burn your skin. As it happens with egyptian women...they love nice words, gifts, warm compliments and stories which will make them soft and open to a relationship with a man.

Then you start applying the "hallawa" but you find out there is a balance between softness and thickness that must be kept at all costs and all the time, otherwise the "halawa" doesn t work out and the hair is not removed.

Soft and sensuous but mixed with some hard pieces of cold "halawa" that will result in the perfect consistence for the hair removal. Such thing also happens in the way most egyptian women will relate with their men. Very maternal, permissive, extremely sweet and even submissive BUT with touches of cold, harsh, toughness that would throw an old Army Coronel to the ground.

I admire the way they do this balancing act, both at the "halawa" ritual as in life. I have a hard time being diplomatic and mixing hot with cold. I only know the truth of what I am at each moment and that may be extremely hot or extremely cold. So easy to see how I can easily burn with FIRE and SNOW.

Would my life be easier if I was like most egyptian women and knew how to manipulate and mix these temperatures and textures? I guess so but then I also realize there must be a reason why I was not born egyptian.

Osho, my kind of guy!


"Those who are courageous, they go headlong. They search all opportunities of danger.
Their life philosophy is not that of insurance companies.Their life philosophy is that of a mountain climber, a glider, a surfer. And not only in the outside seas they surf;

they surf in their innermost seas. And not only on the outside they climb Alps and Himalayas; they seek inner peaks."

Osho, always speaking so much about me that I, some times, think his words are taken directly from my mouth. One of those crazy genius guys who has more mental clarity than all the doctors and professors of this world.

True knowledge has nothing to do with how much information you add to the cupboards of your brain but how much can you reach the CORE of your human being soul and how much can you LIFE upon it.

"Always a climber, a surfer, a DANCER on the stage and in life. Always with the force of WATER, apparently soft and flexible but determined to reach the Ocean, no matter how many obstacles she has to deal with.

Revolution (not the egyptian, the GLOBAL one!)

"If love appears, then who will be a Christian and then who will be a Jew?

If love appears, religions will disappear.

If love appears, who is going to go to the temple?For what?

It is because love is missing that you are searching for God. God is nothing but a substitute for your missing love. Because you are not blissful, because you are not peaceful, because you are not ecstatic, you are searching for God. Otherwise, who bothers?

If your life is a dance, God has been attained already. The loving heart is full of God. There is no need for any search, there is no need for any prayer, there is no need to go to any temple, to any priest.

Hence the priest and the politician, these two, are the enemies of humanity. They are in a conspiracy, because the politician wants to rule your body and the priest wants to rule your soul. And the secret is the same: DESTROY LOVE.

Then a man is nothing but a hollowness, an emptiness, a meaningless existence. Then you can do whatsoever you want with humanity and nobody will rebel, nobody will have the COURAGE enough to rebel."

Osho, in "COURAGE".

Sex (money) and the City!

If the famous television series (from which I am a fanatic follower) "Sex and the City" happened to be inspired in Cairo, instead of my beloved New York, the title and subject of the whole series would have to be adapted to this odd egyptian reality.
Sex and the City would not fit reality. Sex would have to be added to the mix and not in a good, healthy, relaxed, sexy way but in a dark, depravated and ignorant mode.


Money, money, money *and Sex!!! This seems to be the silent (or not so...) motto of most egyptians nowadays. Sure there are a few exceptions and those make up for the massive repressed people who are starved for money and sex, not even knowing there are other VALUES in life that are worth following.
Most egyptians search for relationships in order to receive sex (as empty as a Barbie s head) and/or money. Nothing else seems to be in the menu and that s how I can so easily see potential human beings transformed into machines with no heart, consciousness or soul.

In a society where poverty, corruption, social injustice and prostitution at every level have become a regular, non questioned way of life, it s just natural that most people are desperate for money and use other people for the sake of it.
In the same society where sex is a tabu and relations between men and women are still on a Medieval inspired setting, it is also understandable that most people go crazy due to the absence (and condemnation) of sex.

Due to economical difficulties, most egyptians marry later than any of the the previous generations and their freedom to fall in love is very limited or none so FEELINGS are foreigners, dangerous ones...something to crash and throw in the garbage before it corrupts the rotten order past generations have built, entering loveless marriages where cheating and empty sex is in the order of the day.

As a working dancer in Cairo, I find it frightening how much men (and women, but not so openly) crave for sex like wild animals in heat. It is SCARY!
Money and sex, those are the current egyptian GODS that most people seem to follow. I wounder whatever happened to people s HEART and SOUL???
Ah, and brains...where did those go?!

Relationships are natural exchanges, constant dialogues and negotiations, that s for sure. But we can exchange so much more than money and sex (and how curious it is to note that both are scorpionic matters)...what about expecting an open smile from a friend.

What about exhanging hugs or waiting for a heartfelt "I love you" from your man?

What about singing together and supporting each other during difficult times?

What about not expecting anything and just enjoying each other s presence and mutual silence?

What about -me, je, I, eu, Io, jo - waking up and starting to live in this world and part of this world? I am aware of my alien quality. By God, I am. Just don t know how to be any other way.

"The only way to deal with an unfree world is to become so absolutely free that your very existence is an act of rebellion."

Albert Camus

*Where did I hear this? Although Camus wrote this amazing quote, I live by it everyday of my life. So familiar, it had to be part of me. It could only be it.

How many deserts did I already cross?

And how many ahead?

Each step over the rocks builds up confidence to NEVER give up the journey.

Each moment of refusal to sell my body and soul to the devil builds up my character and the crazy belief that LOVE and LIGHT are stronger than all the ugliness in the world.

BEAUTY is enormous. Ugliness is so very small...

Grateful for the journey already lived and the ones that lay ahead.

Grateful.